Has an odd cadence to you and doesn’t feel like your usual style. A minor misstep or two, like starting a sentence in the fourth paragraph with ‘And’, as well as ‘hearts desire’ instead of ’heart’s desire’. Bizarre but somehow lyrical and romantic. Feels like an old myth, rather than modern prose.

Oh my, what a mess. Thanks THX, made some changes. Let me know if I got the tense more on track.

Interesting. You taken the storyline somewhere else altogether now.

You do have a way of moving the prose forward. I admit, I’m having difficulty developing a connection with the love interest as a character, but maybe that will change in time.