I like this, I’m not sure what it is, exactly. Seems like the quick jumps in thought of someone really indecisive.
By the way, I’ve been quite enjoying the bits and pieces of poetry you’ve been writing.

Feels like someone slowly waking up to a hangover, the final line hit hard. Loved this piece, well done!

I’ve always disliked the repeated us of the.

This poem’s inspiration comes from it’s source, written by THX, and his is full of the. Mark I Wang left an insightful comment about vagueness on THX’s original. A synapse connected in my brain, a question, “Does the repeated use of the imply vagueness?”

I took THX’s story and wrote it like an outline, a poem, utilizing only his use of the and each ones subject. (the _______)

Reading the first two comments here are eerily similar to comments left on THX’s original.

I think I’ve tamed an irritation and won’t be so critical about the repeated use of the.

I love Ficly!

Generally, repeated use of just about anything (word choice, sentence structure, etc.) is tiring on a reader – so, the question is did the author intend it to be that way to convey something more, or was it unintentionally repetitive. I’ve read THX long enough to be pretty sure his was intentional. In the same way, even had you not explained the genesis of this ficlet, I would also recognize it as an intentional departure from your typical style (which is significantly more descriptive and varied). Well done exercise!

As a side observation, I don’t think INA was aware of THX’s prequel, but he actually had the intended response from your distilled version (so, the effect is there even in a vaccum)

Glad you would work through your dislike of ‘the’. I like that this does feel like a poem that suggests the same situation as my more verbose prose, kind of showing how a variety of artistic styles or avenues of creative expression can end up at the same place eventually.

I too love Ficly!