In the first half, I didn’t like it. Once I finished I think it is a good idea, but needs some fixin’. I think the problem is: your first paragraph is framed as background narrative, rather than the thoughts the Demon is actually impressing into Deacon (which is what the story requires).

In the first half, I didn’t like it. Once I finished I think it is a good idea, but needs some fixin’. I think the problem is: your first paragraph is framed as background narrative, rather than the thoughts the Demon is actually impressing into Deacon (which is what the story requires).

Agreed. I had a history/back story for Deacon and an idea of where he might be going/what he might be doing but the idea was over ambitious for a Ficly. Combining two things does not always make a Reese’s. If I can re-work this into something, I will.

Yeah, i forgot to mention that i really like this idea – i just thought it was as yet incomplete.