Woo…that got my heart beating! lol

I like this. Issues with tense again, I had a huge problem with this when I first started writing, and still get comments about it.

Your first line is It waits in the darkness patiently, then you switch to it preyed, which is past tense. Your second paragraph is perfect. You may want to change some minor changes. It still scared me though!

make some minor changes….oops!

32^2, i changed it your way, and reread it in the morning and it just didn’t seem right putting “preys” into present tense, so i changed it back again. It may be wrong, but i like it better this way.

Changed once again. But I think it’s finally ok now.

I may need a little help here. I’ve only just read the story, but I’m guessing the original was something like: It waits in the darkness patiently. The leprous creature preyed on mankind… If so, then I believe there would be no conflict of tense since the second sentence refers to his nature, rather than current activity. I would value comments/advice from you on this :)

I thought so as well, but I make mistakes on tense often so I deferred to 32^2’s judgement. I had the same feeling as you, Funky.

Yikes. At first I thought it was a metaphorical creature, so I didn’t see the ending coming. Nicely told. Wasn’t sure about the, “Huge luminous disks…” line being a stand-alone sentence, but that may just be a style choice. Didn’t notice the tense issue as jarring, so it must have worked, at least in that sense, even if not technically correct.

I originally sequelled off Nif’s “Late Night Television” – I didn’t know if she was going literal or figurative, so I decided to go literal.

A literal monster is almost always more fun than a figurative one. Some great suspense here, though in my opinion, I would get rid of the ‘preying’ sentence altogether. You don’t really need it, and I feel like it flows better without it. The reader doesn’t need that sentence to imagine this creature in the darkness. Other than that, great chapter.