I like the first two sections (stanzas?) – and I think ‘Might I think more, without my hat?’ is a great finishing line. The last section didn’t do it for me, though – it seemed a lot more abstract and less focused than the first two.

Thanks, Sanglorian. I feel the same but I felt I should publish and maybe learn. First ‘poem’ I’ve ever written. Writing is such fun!

Hey Sanglorian! Thanks to your accurate criticism I’ve tweaked it. Any better?

Sanglorian- see what you’re vetting at about the last stanza, but the last line- “Try to smile more. Don’t stub your toe.”- is great! It reminds of that meme that went round a few years back that was ascribed to Kurt Vonnegut- you know, the one about Sunscreen- or the end of some Zen koan.

Profound. Simple. Primple.

I think it’s much improved. As Malcolm says, there’s a Zen quality to the last line. I still think that the second-last sentence is a little clunky, but I think the final stanza now suits the other two.