Visually, this is hard to read, it’s not contained on the same screen. When I read poetry, I usually read it like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I got totally lost reading this, trying to scroll through the lines.

What I did, I copied it, changed the font to 10 pt, deleted the returns and was able to read it in one visual field.

It’s absolutely brilliant.

(did you mean to use a + and “yer”?)

Thanks! I know it’s spaced out real funky and my grammar is sort of poor, but I do that to lend emphasis cues when I’m speaking aloud. It helps me deliver the poem more dramatically once it’s memorized.

I did intentionally write ‘yer’ for that reason as well. Because ‘your’ can rhyme with door, or you can say ‘yer’ to rhyme with her. When it’s spoken no one will see the spelling or even miss a beat.

Thank you again. Really lifts me to hear positive feedback.

@Tad, there’s no such thing as poor grammar in poetry. If you think it is, because it’s poetry, you can easily argue your case or explain it away; poetry is very forgiving.

Keep ’em coming!

Wow. I like that I don’t quite get what’s occurring in the narrative. The piece communicates itself experientially rather than intellectually, and I think that lends a greater potency. Also, I love the immediacy of flow in how you placed so many rhymes directly adjacent to each other.