Nicely done. Not to nitpick, but I think it was the Mayan Calendar. Good luck in the challenge! You’re missing a few capitalizations, and the sentence “not for the first time he wondered what illegal substance had resulted in the social anomaly that was John.” is horrid.

Mayan? probably, but to be fair John doesn’t know that…

Great scene, and I love the same line as mark noted. Fun stuff, even if it was Mayans or Aztecs or some other civilization supposedly brilliant at prediction except in the case of their own downfall.

Sorry i should clarify, i thought the story was great. I only mentioned those minor issues as a side note.

I’m with you, THX. Or I think I am! I may be confused. The sentence seems to have been edited to a less creative one. I much prefer the version quoted by Mark ‘Not for the first time…’

I was wondering why Mark found it horrid?

Would be five pencils from me with thold sentence back!

well, In that case…

there, the old sentence is back. I editted it because it seemed to be the common consensus that it would be better put another way. I quite liked the original so I’m fairly easy to convince, thank you chunky.

Sorry, i try to give good advice but sometimes its piss-poor. In this case i’m clearly off in the weeds.

good job. i like that you put aztecs instead of mayans, it adds to the irony that John ends up being right.

Also, “…with dilated pupils and a penchant for baggy hats.” is a hilarious line. love it

Reading this made me laugh. John reminds me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo, somehow. Fantastic.

Nice. Reminded me of Twilight Zone. My eyes rolled over your story, like slick oil. But the ending ruined it all, really weird. Think about dropping rather rapidly, I can’t explain why I don’t like it, it’s almost invasive, maybe trying to hard to finish the story, maybe leave it off? Your readers know what’s going on.