The Last Day of the Rest of Your Life

“Hello. I know we haven’t been formally introduced – but my name’s not important. What is important is that you don’t panic. Let me explain.

I see you’ve rolled over in bed, turned on the light. Yes, you are awake. You should be happy – you’re in for quite a private show. You’ll see epic adventures, nail-biting suspense, some bang-up fight scenes, and some witty jokes if I do say so myself. You are in for the time of your life! Or rather, I’m in for the time of your life.

I’m starting to acclimate to you now – let me get that itch on your leg for you. Stop screaming! We’ll wake Martin downstairs and he’ll come up with some awkward questions and we’ll have to kill him. We’re going to kill him anyway, but if he comes up now, it won’t be any fun. I’ve spent quite some time climbing up to get here, and we’re going to have a lot of fun. Or rather, I will – until you die.

Just relax in that corner of your mind I’ve parked you in. Understand – this isn’t personal. Just try to see things my way."

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