This setting is well developed, but also stereotypical. Maybe one day someone will write this scene in an immaculate mansion with a maid..
Fruit flies won’t enjoy cold pizza unless maybe it was pineapple? I dunno, it would be cooked, so maybe not. You don’t mention what other leftovers there might be other than pizza.
This is a good beginning, however, and you could do so much with these two.

Thank you for your feedback everyone! I am really liking this site already. I hope to post another story soon. I like the idea of the immaculate mansion with a maid scence, it would totally give the story a whole new feel! Again, thanks for the feedback :)

this sounds like an old photo of my apartment back when I was in college.

Nice visual set up, but I do have a minor nit pick (besides the fruit fly thing as elsha pointed out) … the last sentence about triggering her addictions is out of place considering it was stated “She wanted a smoke” half way through the paragraph.

2 more things I forgot to mention

first, welcome to ficly.
second, get a pic!

Thanks for your input, I tend to do that in my writing so I appreciate the critique! Definitely something I am trying to finess!! This story is actually just a snippet from a full peice I wrote, the character limit is challenging but I like how it forces you to really think about what you want to say.

Actually to contradict Elsha, fruit flies will gather over anything if it is left out long enough. I know this from experience – yuck! Welcome to Ficly Danielle. My criticism in the piece comes from the aesthetics of it. One large paragraph is hard on the eyes. If you have the space, I’d suggest breaking it up. If not, then maybe something to remember next time.

I guess if the food begins to ‘sweat’ in it’s rottenness, they will go after the moisture..or maybe gnats too. I second your yuck!