I often get a few lines stuck in my head. It goes around and around. I have to write it down. But nothing follows.

That’s wonderful.

If you posted this outside of this challenge i would assume it was complete… I’m actually really interested to know what makes a poem tick, and why did you think this still needed more?

I don’t think this has a story. It doesn’t have an end.
Also, the rhyme scheme. ABAB doesn’t suit a one-verse poem, IMO.

Wednesday, great entry.

So who says you have to stick to the ABAB?
Your beats are pretty close, which I prefer more than ABAB rhyming:

11
10
13
10

If anything, you can change the 13 to 11 by changing ungodly (3) to something else (1). Then you would have

11 sour
10 displeasure
11 hour
10 leisure

I agree that displeasure and leisure are not compatible because changing leezure to lesure is forced by it’s mate displeasure. Not an easy leap for some people.

I’m English! That’s how we say leisure!

@Wednesday; I guessed that too. I guess I misunderstood your comment: Also, the rhyme scheme. ABAB doesn’t suit a one-verse poem,.

So maybe there’s your answer, adding more verses?

Yeah, but I couldn’t find a way to advance it. I came back to it, but it felt easier to write a whole new poem, I guess…