This fragment is the first paragraph of a series of four stories that I’m in the process of writing. Informally, I think of these stories collectively as Elements_. Each of the four stories (_Air is complete, Water barely started, Earth and Fire are yet to come) is a “nature vs. man” story, with a few “man vs. man” aspects thrown in. The stories show are tilted toward the idea that nature does not care what we think of ourselves as a species. We are and will always be at its mercy, of which it has none.
I had to read Air to get a feel for what this series is going after. Is there a reason why you chose a lake? The ocean is typically a better setting for chaos beneath calm.
Another issue you may have is variety. On the dock, you’re going to be limited to fish. There’s lots of critters in there. Frogs, turtles. Crayfish, etc. Air had what seemed to be more rich surroundings/animals. I’m not sure if you want to keep with that theme or focus more on a tighter interaction (admittedly, Air only casually mentions the other happenings before diving into monolgue).
Lastly, i feel as though you really covered broad strokes in Air – you still got three elements to get through, maybe the rest could be focused vignettes. Otherwise it may end up sounding like rehashing the same thought over different circumstances.
I don’t know Mark, I’m on the fence (or dock) with this little ditty, the mention of pumpkin seeds is oddly out of place, yet still makes sense, since I have wonderful memories of pumpkin seeds.
@Mark, your search engine must be better than mine, I’ve read enough of August’s pieces and have had to do some research. I tried looking up pumpkinseeds and didn’t find what you found, great job.
Sorry, folks, I didn’t stop to think that some people wouldn’t know what I was talking about. On the other hand, this was a fragment and we were supposed to publish without changes…
August 2nd 
mark.i.wang 
32 ^2 
Robert Quick