Steve explained to his in-laws, “I’ve been with your daughter for 10 months now. She’s the love of my life.”

“Relationships evolve,” he continued, “And over time, when we really like someone we express it physically – if you will – and I certainly will. I hope I’m not out of bounds assuming that you clearly have as well in your lives – I mean look at you two, you’re very good-looking people. I bet you have an incredible sex life. Anyways, the other day I was making out with your daughter – it was very innocent at first. But then we got a bit carried away – as sometimes will happen in situations like these. I’m sure you understand, Ken. And I certainly hope you will forgive us our transgressions…”

Helen and Ken were stoic. Just waiting. “I was – and I hate to admit this – naked on your couch when your daughter did things to me that I’m pretty sure you couldn’t imagine if you tried and, you see, now I have a rash on my ass.”

“All that to say this,” he concluded. “I think your dogs are licking the couch.”