I don’t usually critique stories, but this feels full of potential to me.
There are a lot of short sentences, and you used “she” and “her” in all but 3 sentences I think. Those kind of broke the image you built up, made it feel awkward and distant.
That’s just my opinion. Other than that, I like the progression of the scene, and how well you describe the details.

Thanks :D you do have a point! is it better now? Difficult to reduce those pronouns further though, cause my character doesn’t have a name; references are limited to “she”
and “her”

Yeah it is much easier to read now.
Ah that’s true, does seem a lot better though.

Brilliant concept and use of metaphors. Just a minor note though, you might want to keep everything in either past or present tense, the line in the first paragraph threw the feel off a bit.

“Behind her, a baby thrashes, its jarring wail echoing around the high ceiling above her.”

Overall though, a great piece on a tough topic, well done!

haha also it reminds me of johnny hates jazz:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4934z9-xjg

Ouch…what have I started?! Very powerful read. I love your similes from ‘like an ink drawing in a rain of tears’ onwards. I probably completely miss the point, but I don’t get how the clock is turned back.

@chunky, I think it’s a nightmare dream sequence of the older self. Fascinating, completely different take on the subj matter.

serif: The point was to make time seem confusing and somewhat unhelpful ><
Funky Chunky: haha it’s turned back in terms of her remembering what she did, but still being unable to change anything (the regret part)
mark: thanks :)

Sorry about that. I can be really slow on the uptake sometimes! Great story. Again…ouch!