I liked this although it’s creepy as hell.

That is far and away one of the best opening lines I’ve read in a long time.

A few things however, I think this story should be rated Mature. Language issues I believe.

And also maybe you should double space between paragraphs. The white space will give more breath to the individual thoughts.

Good job however. Well done

Thanks BA. I agree about the white space, it does make it easier on the eye. I have also fixed up that mature content tag.