not bad, some errors to fix: ‘since the her baby’ and ‘make it pass’ (past). Not sure ‘racist’ is necessary, but it works. I like how the freedom state uses slavery. A lot of telling, but that’s okay since you have such a tiny space to work with. :) You’ll figure out this ficly format thing and learn to show us in no time!

Thanks for the tips. And yeah this tiny character count is really bugging me. LOL! I’m not used to having a writing limit. I wasn’t really sure about the word “racist” either but I didn’t think “speciesist” would be a good word for it. :P

I tend to overwrite as well. Part of the fun and challenge though (and experience), is in the editing, and trying to be concise with word use.

Use the NaFicWriMo challenge to learn what it is you want to explore in the process of writing. You can always expand on the ideas later, or get into the nitty gritty of editing when June is over haha! Good luck!

Hitting the limit is a problem that plagues us all. In my own day one entry, I was struggling to fit in an extra stanza. Had to scrap it in the end.

I did quite like this story. I feel I’d like to know more about the futuristic setting you’ve detailed. I have an image in my head of mankind enslaved to reobots. Rather like the film version of I, Robot if Will Smith hadn’t saved the day. One slight criticism, the story feels a bit cluttered. You’ve tried to fit a lot in, telling us about the Bots, the Human Alliance, the freedom state, filling in the protagonists character. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel we only get to see a little bit about each of these things. I still liked it, I just feel it should have been more focussed.

I will keep that in mind for the sequel, H. S Wift. Thanks!