Yum. To love someone like food is to truly need them— else die of starvation. To love someone like a delicious dessert, however, I mean come on, this is about sex is it not?

Actually, no. This is about the tub of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food in my freezer. I will never love anything more.

Oh, you’re tricky.

Knew it! That’s my brother. “Love food not people” is practically his motto.

Also, I hope he never writes about sex. I’d die.