I struggled to make the rhyming scheme feel as effortless as in Memento’s original. It definitely feels more forced, but damn if I didn’t have a lot of fun!

Talk about ramping the stakes! The direction you’ve taken it is perfect. No poem is epic without a good subplot.
In terms of meter, my best advice is to watch how you use destressed syllables, especially at the beginning of lines. By maintaining a consistent number of destressed syllables between the stressed syllables, the reader will be able to perceive the flow easier.

I might have to take a shot at this. I had tingles running through my body reading both parts.

Do it, Jae! Let’s keep this story going…

I haven’t forgotten this. The gears are turning.

I hadn’t seen this before. This is amazing! The price will be interesting to find out!