Whoa, Those big words were intense. :P

This was great.

Great scene, evoking both Tarzan and 2001. Edit extra word in last sentence of the third paragraph.

The fourth paragraph is a prime example of telling, using passive voice. “was used” is a huge red flag. Every other paragraph was action action action, this breaks the flow.

Then there is that extra ‘the’, but that’s a much easier fix.

Still, I love your crazy wild animals!

Ya, I always catch passive voice EVERYwhere in my entries. Last night was a case where it passed midnight, I had to wake up early, I was super tired from no sleep Sat-to-Sun, and I just had to click submit. :) Passive voice is my biggest hurdle that this challenge is definitely helping me deal with! Thanks for the edits guys!

Hey, I wouldn’t share it if I didn’t think you could take it! I am SO guilty of passive voice (and redundancy, my pet peeve) myself, so know that you are not alone! Keep hitting submit at midnight anyway!

Ha! I always appreciate any comments and crits!

My head was bobbing throughout the thinking/writing of this piece. I only got around to this at 10pm, and I was already ready to drop for the night! I had to start walking around my office and shake the sleep out from my noggin to pull this one off!

Hopefully, I can get to writing tonights much earlier haha… here’s to hoping…

Mmm the idea is awesome. These creatures are super cool. But the constant use of the clunky umbrakin over and over is so jarring to the flow, and I feel like it’s very one.two.three with no feeling, if you get me. Maybe I’m making no sense.

I feel like we may be borne of umbrakin!