The pet store simile carries through with the puppy and lab rat references throughout. You seem to have a knack for threading images in your writing to create a line that pulls the reader along.
Scary and wonderful. I’d rather see more details and less puppy references (the pet-store window did what you needed it to), but the thing sure does work.
I liked this, and have just published a sequel. One thing that’s nagging at me, though, is the whole “Jack hated them” thing. I’m fine with children who can make toys disappear, but I find it harder to imagine that the doctors would be doing all this without parental consent. Perhaps the consent came from the Regina’s mother, in which case there’s some domestic drama right there that someone else may be able to develop.
And I really hope my last comment doesn’t sound critical in a bad way. Unsolved mysteries bug me for much the same reason that they often motivate me. The question of why Jack doesn’t or can’t stop the doctors is one of those, but I’m better at developing the fantasy than solving the more human mysteries.
The “Jack hated them” line was a reaction to the way the doctors were looking at Regina — not resentment for them being there (“They’re looking at me daughter like she’s in some kind of freak show…”). I’d imagine he’s the one who brought her there in the first place, though.
This is a co-winner in my challenge! Congratulations. For you (and anyone who stumbles back upon this great story) here is a link to your co-winner, Trann. http://ficly.com/stories/3116
falconesse
THX 0477
Ronnie
jesteram
Jessica Cahill
wordwill
Trann
White Marvin
Zerrakhi
Zerrakhi
falconesse
THX 0477
Music-Hearted