Once upon a time, a long long time ago…
It was only a few weeks ago, to be honest.

There lived a beautiful princess.
Princess my foot. Her dad just made some good investments, that’s all.

However, an evil witch was jealous of her beauty.
The “princess” only looked that good because she spent five hours in front of a mirror everyday. A little time, and the witch could have been pretty too.

The evil witch devised a plan to kidnap the princess and steal her beauty.
Umm… sure. Or hold her for ransom. Whatever you want to call it.

After being kidnapped, the princess was terrified.
Yeah, that’s about right.

But she needn’t have worried, because Prince Charming came to her rescue.
That FBI guy would like to think he’s Prince Charming. Too bad she’s already got a boyfriend.

They lived happily ever after.
At least that’s what they want us to think.

The End
And good riddance.