The beginning feels a bit rushed and tacked on. Like it was simply filler to get you to the part you really wanted to write.

Love the song, and it’s a good take on the challenge. Though I’d prefer to see a beginning that you cared more about, and some spacing between paragraphs. The phrase “turned a left,” screams of lack of editing to me, which is another knock against a very creative effort.

Great, now I have Johnny Cash in my head. Good thing I like that song. :)

The literal interpretation of the song is quite amusing but I agree with John in that the beginning doesn’t add all that much. I think it might work better with a more in depth description of the object of desire, or some foreshadowing.

Quick heads up – the third sentence currently reads “I grabbed itr” rather than “I grabbed it”.

Still, it’s a clever way of doing the challenge and not something I can imagine many people coming up with!

I changed the beginning quite a bit. I hope you enjoy it.

I prefer this beginning. It definitely sets up more of an unhealthy fixation on the woman. I don’t know the song well enough to know how the ring of fire fits into the obsession, but it certainly feels like a real part of the narrative now.

Rating changed to reflect the upgrade.

I very much like the changes you made – it’s a much stronger story now.