repetition of the sun setting.. grr.. pet peeve.. it would save you some space to edit it out. Then you could flesh out some other detail. The details that are here are fabulous! I knew from the 4th paragraph what was going on.

You restated the fact that the sun was setting three different times. I agree with Elsha that you should probably only mention it once.

You have a couple spelling errors.

Love the description of the cars!