Do you ever feel
like the worst possible version
of yourself?
Like all of the things
you pray never happen
come to life in
one evening?
One moment
you’re laughing with friends,
shoving handfuls of off-brand
chips into your mouth.
And the next,
you’re outside under
a willow tree,
watching a lighter ignite
the features of your face.
I never meant for it to happen,
honest.
The idea of it captured me
and even though you swore you
didn’t care,
I found myself unable to
escape your harsh stares
for the rest of the night.
(We were supposed to be
talking about the future.
Instead,
I blabbered on about
how the cookies tasted like
wet cement in my mouth).

A thick fogged took hold of me and
held me captive
as you watched me lose
control
(I don’t remember you looking.
I had my eyes closed.
A magic show was going on
behind my closed eyelids)
until the fog handed me over
to sleep.