This is very good! You have given just enough details to leave the reader wondering what is really going on.

Great start for writing on Ficly. Can’t wait to read more of your stories. :)

Very atmospheric, as though we are privy to the incoherent, ponderous thoughts of the character.

This sort of plays as a slo-mo moment in my mind, a dreamlike state has washed over the character and over me as reader.

Constructive Criticism: The first sentence is irrelevant and adds nothing to the story. You are telling and wasting words here, where the second sentence does a much better job of saying the exact same thing.