Good use of visuals. However the poem goes from really desperate (scream) to soft (melodies). That seems odd to me – but maybe it was intentional? If so, it didn’t come across that way.

I do love this poem but that line “I must make melodies” seems just a tad out of place with the rest of the mood.

I suppose that line is indeed rather problematic. Will think of something to replace it with.

I was aiming to present this songstress as one who still wants to make music, but cannot-being mute doesn’t prevent her from playing after all, but it’s a bit of a stretch.

This reminds me of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. Creepy imagery, but some words are naturally loaded with meaning and can come across as cliché if not used to their full extent.

Noted…which words in particular?

I like the new line. :)

Ouch. The unexpressed love is a painful and tragic one, not just because of the missed opportunity but because of the regret and self loathing that is sure to follow.

I have no idea how to point this out to you other than telling you to join the tiny poetry community in school where we write 5 minute poetry and crit works! Yes.

does that entail including your name and email in the part of the form which reads ‘Ld members’?

I did that

BABY STEPS!

who’s afternova o.o

a16-er who went to europe

whoa really :O girl or guy o.o