Whoa! Did not see that coming! :D

Nice scene and feel to it. I wasn’t expecting the whole immortal thing. Neat story idea.

thanks! Princess Binky Lemontwist actually inspired me to run with the idea, I don’t think I would have otherwise… this is my first sequel. :)

Did not see her centuries old true self coming, that’s a nice twist! The crazy cat lady took on a whole new meaning. :) I think if you had room, that courier would expect a huge tip!

One method of improving the tense of the story is by replacing all of the “was-sentences” with appropriate verbs. For example:

Susanna drummed her heels against the shredded chair she (sat) was sitting in, blowing on her hands to stay warm. Snow (fell) was falling outside, and the abandoned boxcar she (called) was calling home didn’t provide much shelter.

That’s a good point, Jae. Taking out the was draws less attention to the verbs themselves and leaves more focus on the action. I left “was falling” in because I think it gives more of an ongoing impression than a past tense verb. Thanks for the tip!