This scenario seems familiar, but I’m not sure why.

Either way, it was well done. This would be an interesting world.

I like the idea behind this a lot. There’s something about Philip K Dick in it, not the style but the concept, which is utterly bizarre but completely comprehensible at the same time.

There’s a slight mix-up here:

“his hand ceasing their stirring motion”

should be “its stirring motion”, I think.

My favourite line is probably this: "Right in the sleep they probably fuckin’ sold him.” Tells the reader a great deal about the world in a very compact bit of writing.

I almost think it would be more effective if the card had much less than ten hours on it, showing just how valuable a commodity the minutes are. When Carl says “I got some spare minutes”, I expect the amount on the card to then be measured in minutes rather than hours.

Very impressive idea.

And I meant to say, of course, there’s something of Philip K Dick in it, not about him.

And it’s probably a silly observation anyway!

I’m definately agreeing with the above, a great scenario, and the style suits it perfectly.

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the feedback guys.

I realize Spiderj is probably correct in his observations, specifically the “minutes/hours” thing. My reasoning behind it being 10 hours is easier to say than 600 minutes; but it is true that “600 minutes” would follow the trend.

Thanks again for the comments and critiques, I appreciate them greatly.

He does say “about 10 hours” which could be something like 597 minutes, you know?

Ah.

Yes…this is true.

Thanks.

Wow, if I had to pay for my sleep minutes, I’d be broke!

Heh. Yes, hopefully this is a future never fully realized.

I remember when you were explaining this to me, I thought literally, sandmen. Like walking men made of sand who roar or something. But when it finally got it, I thought it was a damn good idea. I don’t know if your taking it up, but you should.