Whoa! Did not see that coming! Makes me want to know more.

The last sentence: into this case he demanded" should be changed to into this case," he demanded.

Not the twist I was expecting so nicely done there. Lots and lots of run-on sentences here that bog it down. I know it’s counter-intuitive, but shorter sentences, even choppier ones can flow better than cramming lots into one super long sentence.

Thanks guys…I’ll correct it tomorrow…in the meantime please feel free to sequel away…

good twist at the end. very Mr. and Mrs Smith of you! :)

I expected a twist from right off the bat. It was sharply delivered though and kinda punched me in the face in a way.