The thrones were extremely impressive. His holiness was seated in a mighty oak, exquisitely carved to perfectly complement His Almighty buttocks. Fluffy clouds floated high above his brow as He furrowed it in concentration. Ace, Jack off suit.

“NO CHEATING” boomed the voice from across the table that spanned eons. Skin black as coal and hard as steel scorched the very air around it. Satan was pissed. His throne of igneous lay callously cast aside. Several thousand tonnes of stone assembled over countless years for a game of poker.

This happened about 9000 years ago right around the time all the people started to get their shit together and Yahweh and Lucifer needed to figure out what to do with them after they bit the dust. Being complete opposites they had no way of agreeing. So they agreed to play a game of cards to see who would be in charge for the next few eons. Winner takes all.

God cheated.