That was fun. A great, dramatic set up and then dialog that just sort of veers towards a still realistic diversion. Nicely played.

Nit-picking, the line about the ‘broad shouldered silhouette’ reads a bit awkwardly. Missing word or typo? I couldn’t exactly tell.

Thanks! Was it funny though? I was trying to make the reader laugh (at least a little) but trying to pin down humor is like keeping water in my hand- mostly fruitless and whatever remains doesn’t do much.

As for the line you mentioned, I’m not sure either. I’ll try to rework it at some point.

“made him appear only as a broad shouldered silhouette.” ??? maybe that runs a bit smother….

Fixed?