through my fingers

She’s beautiful
I’m sorry
She’s not as beautiful as me

Fuck it
She is beautiful
I’m sorry
I just can’t take it

I can’t believe you’re out of my reach
You were so close
I never get my hopes up
I should’ve known that was the right lifestyle for me

Every time I go for what I want
It eludes me

Every time I keep it to myself
I lose my only chance

What do I do
God help me, what do I do
What the fuck am I supposed to do
I’m sitting here at home, crying like a fool

I’m such a milksop
I disgust myself
I wish I could escape myself

I hate myself
I need to leave
I need to become another person
One of those happy people who doesn’t exist

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