I really like this. My only critique might be the structure of the poem; I think the rhymes could be overall more subtle by fitting the line breaks more to the rhythm of the words rather than ending on a rhyme. As it is it can seem sort of stuttered and put emphasis on the rhyme that, after this technique is repeated several times, loses its punch. But…it might not actually be that at all, it may just be a few rhymes that seem forced (“follow a map of mines” comes to mind). I love “Wrapping me from ankle to heel/Strapping me to assembly lines” though.

Panic attacks are scary. So glad I don’t have them. This poem paints a pretty good picture!

Thanks for the comments.

I appreciate your critique, Stovo. Admittedly, I’ve worked on this for days and it’s still not there, ha. I will cut some of the clunkier stuff and keep on trying.

I meant to make it read quick and choppy to reflect the feeling of anxiety. But it’s rhythm heavy.

I’m not sure whether I would totally agree with Stovo. The way you’ve written it feels like panicked intakes of breath like asthma. I think writing about a panic attack would either be like this or in long fast lines which would be harder to interpret.

I agree with Wednesday, actually. :)

Funnily enough I’ve just been to a class that explains how panic attacks work and ways to deal with them. I think this is a great description of one, just scanning it gives the feel of someone panicking.

Bravo

I actually really like the structure – I think it works well as a rhythm, mimicking the ‘jerking / jolting’ feeling of a panic attack. The ebb and flow of it is perfect – swelling up to several climactic points.

“I yelp in dread
I’ve
Never felt so alive
I’ve
Never felt so dead”

Such a perfect, definite ending. I love it. I think whether or not you like a poem like this often depends on how you read it. If you can’t get the rhythm in your head, you can’t appreciate the beauty of it.

Great job! Best poem I’ve seen on here for a while =)

Thank you all so much for your comments :D