I like your poetry, Ariah. The only bit of constructive criticism I have to offer is about this line. “One road forks off into two.”
By saying that the road forks tells us it’s split into two. So I suggest that you drop the “…off into two” part of the sentence as it’s redundant. I understand that that totally disrupts the flow for the rest of it, and you may need to rework it, but I feel like it’s a worthwhile thing to point out. I’m not always comfortable giving criticism because a writer’s work is personal, and even the nicest, most logical critiques can sting. It’s hard for me to do. I hope you’ll take it kindly. You’ve impressed me before, so keep writing. And feel free to jab me back :)
I write in a hurry these days, so these pieces aren’t my best work. I changed it around a bit. Maybe you’ll like it more? I love when people critique my work, so always feel free to!
Wow! What a transformation. I definitely like it more. Concise, small, spare, and at the same time it grows beyond itself, makes me ponder the situation more than I was expecting to. Beautiful.
Tad Winslow
Ariah Oak
Tad Winslow