The building was tall, with a row of windows on each floor and a large amount of space in between. Fingers of ivy picked at the blue-gray boards, exposing a layer of thin gray bricks and patches of insulation. The walkway was a skinny row of black rocks that looked as if they hadn’t been trodden on since they were installed. The grass on each side was overgrown to the point of abduction. My suitcase threatened to rip my arm out of its socket. I set it down and knocked on the door.
“Sir!” A peephole door slid open, and a mossy green eye peered out at me. “Are you aware that you are highly irregular?”
“Er…what?”
“Highly!”
The peephole snapped shut, then I heard locks being opened. Two chain locks, five twist locks, three combination locks and one padlock to be precise. I was in the middle of counting when the door finally swung open, and I was greeted by a very lumpy nose, followed by rosy cheeks, a plump body, and all-in-all a very strange little man standing on a stool.