Intriguing scene, and I liked the jarring effect of the positive description of the place and then shift to his creased brow and elbows digging in.

That last exchange got confusing. Were the third to last and second to last supposed to both be said by the other guy? If so, the break to a new paragraph is confusing.

Sort of begs for a sequel, doesn’t it.

Yeah, sorry. I’ve no idea why I did that. Fixed now.

The feeling is that the person is overwhelmed and went to a comfy place to work it out, but even there he or she is pushed too far. They still can’t think. This is my weekend.. :/

Aw, Elsh. The idea is to be relaxed enough to think naturally – unfortunately it isn’t always that easy.

oh I get the IDEA, but it never works out as planned…and you’ve conveyed it very well. :)

I like the fact that the protagonist knows they are doing something wrong but can’t help themselves. It rings true. As a warm up piece I think you have continued building upon your legacy rather well . . . and welcome back, Abby. You were missed very much.

Thanks! – and to whoever gave me three pencils, can you comment a reason. I want to improve!!!!!! Rating doesn’t help if you leave no explanation.