my logic was,
one was not enough
three was too much
so two should be perfect, right?

i feel no difference
something should have happened

one more, i thought
no
no no no
you can’t do this
two is all you can do right now
just wait
just wait

no, no.
one more, i thought
it will be fine
just this one more
and none after this
i won’t die i know it
i didn’t last time

i chopped it all up
snorted what i couldn’t swallow
and sat and waited for the happiness to come

one more, i thought
no
no no this is just what you knew would happen
you knew you would need more this time
and you told yourself no more
no more
but the feeling of euphoria seems so welcoming…
but no, no more.

one more, i think again
please just one more one more please just
let me feel that feeling i never should have felt in the first place
no more
no more
please just one
no more
a half
maybe
no more
no no no no no no no more
just a half
and what then?
another half?
another hole?
another line?
another cut?
no more
please, no more