Wonderful first line, and as usual, very evident personal style throughout. I feel like I could identify your poems’ author without seeing it beforehand.
I like that you used ;@#*! instead of actual cuss words, I think it made it more powerful that way. I can see the sleepy punk rocker associate begrudging opening the door, it is a strong image in my mind.
Wow I’m slow today. It actually took me some time to work out. Oh dear. Very cute little tale. I think we’ve all had days like those – when everything’s against you, but it’s worth it for the character in the end.
I enjoyed the use of time. It isn’t often that you see a story in this kind of format.
“Chain my cold bike to the cold bike rack with a cold chain in this cold weather.” This line made me smile – the bitterness against the cold is great and the repetition really works.
A great, feel-good piece! I love it =) Another ‘thank you very much’ for this one!
Nice piece! This format is a challenge because lists are inherently boring to read. If you’re not careful, you can lose your readers long before the end because their eyes tend to glaze over with the repetitive timestamps. You managed to keep every one interesting and engaging, making the payoff at the end that much more enjoyable.
I definitely shared this with my friends. Absolutely adorable. It took me a second to work out the ending…but I’m on “midnight-feeding-mama” brain these days, so that was probably my fault. ;) This store was positively endearing.
Ha! This was funny. Jim’s right in that lists can be a challenge, but you bested that by starting with a joke and drawing the reader in. The ending is clear. The speaker is trying to impress the popular girl (b!;(#) at school by doing their home/coursework. There were some really funny lines and I think you are a testament to your craft.
I had more of the impression that the characters were college students and housemates, and that he likes her but is friend-zoned. The girl needs to figure out what she has and hold on to him before its too late. I took the final dialog as the girl saying it rather than the narrator.
RoseTone ~LoA~
Emilou
Stovohobo
boxofun
Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)
ethelthefrog
Shamaliane
Abby (LoA)
Jim Stitzel
Timbertoesa
Riley
THX 0477
Demi Beneke
H.S. Wift
Scrawler's Secret
Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Robert Quick
Lastande Sarie