This paints a picture very well, it’s lovely. If I could make a recommendation, the tone is conversational so it feels like we’re just talking to Jake. However, the very first sentence clashes with that. If I’m talking to a stranger, he won’t start with “Let’s call me Jake,” will he? Perhaps just deleting that bit could work. Or is the name important, is it a reference? If so, I didn’t catch it.

Thanks box! I guess I was trying to establish that my character was male-I don’t write a lot of male characters, and find it very hard to make a difference in their ‘voice.’
That said, your comment was right on the mark, and I’m looking for a way to switch it up :P Thanks for the advice!

I love all the, “I swear I’m not a creeper,” stuff he has to throw in towards the beginning. Very cute little tale, and I like the alternative narrative style of it just being what this guy is saying to the random stranger.

ADORABLE!