Couple of typos: “not that it matter” => “…matters”; “to stay rationale” => “…rational”.

I love the tone of this piece, and the way the droopy-eyed fellow’s reason for droopy-eyedness is not revealed until the last line.

I think we’d all prefer to be stuck in a lift with someone (physically) beautiful, but I guess we have to take what we get. Pretty is irrelevant in the dark, after all.

I like it.

Just a question I’m a-pondering: is it the protagonist’s bad luck to be stuck with the droopy-eyed guy, or the droopy-eyed guy’s bad luck to be stuck in the elevator having had the accident?

Maybe it’s both. Another nice touch. I salute you.

In the dark in a small space with a complete stranger? Yikes.

I like the fact that you restated the absence of light throughout – it kept that aspect in focus which in turn set the atmosphere for this entire piece. Out of control, out of luck.

Aaaaand I had write a sequel. Adulation and pencils for inspiration.

The mood is like a sort of interminable purgatory—very effective. And with some subtle humor too; the aside about the protag’s elevator fantasies is a nice touch.

Very nice story, makes us feel just the right kind of uncomfortable. Congrats on a job well done!

See, people, this is why I don’t use lifts!
Stairs are healthier too!

I don’t really like the protagonist, and I’m not sure that you intended us too. He seems a tad bigotted. It’s not bike accident guy’s fault that he looks the way he does, or has a mental problem as he does.

Little grammar thing. Don’t you get ‘into’ a lift as opposed to ‘onto’.

It did need a sequel I think. And I’m glad that Rosetone volunteered one. To the sequel!!!!

Thanks for entering the challenge. Wonderful writing as always. And please remember to comment on all the others! =)

And of course, now I’m thinking about “Cabin in the Woods.” Hope the mouth-breather doesn’t turn out to be some sort of flesh-eating monster. :)

This was very well written and very amusing. How many times will they have this conversation before they are rescued? I hope they get rescued soon, for both their sakes.

Creeeeeeeepy! I would not want to be in that circumstance AT ALL! Good job despite the small difficulty with following the story. :)

I don’t like elevators (or lifts) either. I don’t find anything wrong with the protagonist though. The repetitive dialogue is a little creepy and slightly annoying until you get to the end and feel like a jerk, which I think is your intention. Nice job on characterization.

Great job! Only change i would make is “maybe i should tell you” is kind of redundant. He is being told, regardless.

Oh my gosh, that last line made me laugh so hard… Great job!

;__;

Dear LORD.

This is like, my worst nightmare. I am terrified of being trapped in an elevator! BAAAAHHH!

But yanno… This was pretty funny.

Am I the only one who thought of Dory from Finding Nemo?

I love the little comic line at the end it really topped it off well

It was pretty damn good, THX. xouldn’t help but notice that you abused a few prepositions. “Seconds complete darkness” needs an ‘of’, and “belonging the droopy eyed fellow” needs a ‘to’.

Other than that it was great. Not only a story about horrible luck but a comment on how we judge people a little too quickly. Well done.

I thought buildings didn’t have a floor 13. I’ll admit that the short term memory loss bit reminds me a bit of Dory from Finding Nemo. Trapped in a less than ideal situation with such a lovable yet annoying (to the character) character. I don’t like taking elevators in parking garages, for some reason that freaks me out.