Oh, the poor guy! I feel bad for him. I loved the touch about “holding the cancer in,” and generally the whole “film noir” ambiance that the story exudes. It fits the sadness perfectly.
The only thing I can think of that you could possibly improve: the fact that the genie’s gift comes at a price comes at the end, as a surprise. I get that we want to surprise the reader, but it would be nicer if it could somehow be made to be something we might in hindsight realize we might have guessed. Perhaps the protagonist could develop a fear of heights after flying on his own for a bit? There’s probably a better way than what I’m suggesting. Anyways, very well written! This was a pleasure to read.

Very well written. Very compelling dialogue. Thanks :)

In the voice of one Wil Wheaton:

“Genies are dicks, man. Genies are dicks.”

I hate myself, but I actually found this story quite funny. Sure, I get the sad side, but come on: what horrid luck! I’ve always seen genies as mischevious – always thought that there must be some kind of catch to the deal and now we know!

The logic of it made me think: people who fear heights are afraid of them because they’re scared they’ll fall. You can’t fall if you can fly!

Anyway, puzzle aside it’s a wonderful story. Tragic, intriguing and (for me at least) humourous. Nice use of present tense combined with second person. I haven’t seen much of it around lately.

Thanks a bunch for entering the challenge. Please don’t forget to coment on everyone elses =)

I agree with Abby. Funny in that deeply tragic way that makes you kind of ashamed for laughing at someone else’s misfortune. But it’s his own fault; everyone knows the first thing you do is wish for a million extra wishes.

I really like the second person in present here; it gets that noir faceless-narrator-at-the-bar aspect just right. It’s a fresh spin on a genie story.

Sad. You did a great job of capturing the rage that has turned to weariness and possibly, regret? I understand why it’s funny but I can’t bring myself to laugh. Maybe that’s when we’re supposed to laugh. Well this comment got weird.

I liked how the speaker is talking directly to the reader, who is just awkwardly listening to his story. It makes it funnier somehow, imagining someone telling me that story. (Even though I thought it was funny, I did feel bad for the poor guy.)

Strange

D’aww… I want to hug this guy. :c

Can I?

It’s like one of those choose your own adventure books. Respond A) “Check, please.” and turn to page 203. Respond B) “Tell me more.” and turn to page 176.

I like that you leveled this man’s good fortune with an equally bad fortune. It’s why we say money doesn’t buy happiness when some ass wad wins the lottery… because deep down we all relate to suffering of some kind and we’d hate to believe anyone is above it. I’m cynical today. Why is this guy moping? No matter how afraid of heights he is I bet he’d fly if a grizzly bear was charging him, whereas some other flightless schmuck would have to play dead and pray. There’s a bright side to be had here.

Good story.

I absolutely adored the first line. It made me want to hang around for the rest. That said, I was kind of disappointed by the second-person/present-tense format. As Tad pointed out, it’s reminiscent of those choose-your-own-adventure stories. Personally, I find that style really cheesy. I think it might have read a little better as a first-person narrative.

Nice rendition of the tragic wish fulfillment. If I were him though, high dose Valium and ZOOM, off I’d go!

Well crafted, though it took a second to realize it was all the one dude talking despite the new paragraphs. Not sure if a way around that without having too massive a block of text.

Ooooh, I love the twist. Actually ironic (unlike Alanis’ 20,000 spoons), too. Nicely constructed, holding the reveal to just the right moment.

Really well constructed, I had a bit of a giggle at the remark about the stairs…I’m scared of heights and actually get iffy when I look at some stairs haha

Djinn man I’m telling you they are tricky. Good story. They are so wicked and tricky that it almost seems like part of why it works that way is to just keep things in balance. how would the world react if this man was able top openly fly around?

Very few errors, well done. However, in the fourth paragraph, the first speech section terminates with a full stop, so “there” should be capitalised. Also, is weird how there’s a pair of quotation marks in this paragraph that are different to the rest of them.

The concept was funny. Genies are mean, thats the first lesson of genie school. I did really like it, and I found it humerous, despite the annoying second person format.

@CMTKOM, Everyone knows tat you cant wish for a million more wishes. So you wish for a million more genies.

There is always a cost!

Did he take up smoking after getting his wish granted as a way to handle the stress? In my mind, I can see him trying to conquer his fear for the first week, getting a few feet off of the ground, puking his guts out, and then falling.

Aaaaand laying there on the ground smoking a pack for the next few hours.