Your writing style is different than mine, so I probably would have made different word choices/sentence structures, but I definitely like the theme, and style.
You switch tense midsentence, which results in a lot of tense errors – for example: “I lean[ed] over”, “which seem[ed] unstoppable”, “which is[was] gonna”, “fingers glide[d] over”, “raise[d] your chin”, “car is[was] heard”, “it approaches[ed]” “bodies slow[ed] down” “our lips start drifting [started to drift] apart”.
mark.i.wang