Oooohhhh mysterious. I winced when he sliced his hand. Ouch.

I like this!

Minor point: You might consider changing ‘split ended’ to ‘split-end’. I think it read a little better that way. :)

Ick

I was not expecting it to be his mother… now I’m really intrigued…

Then, my dear Emilou, a sequel you shall have. c:

Oh, so this is the same character as in your other contribution to the challenge. Much more fleshed out in this one. I like the idea of this dark being hiding in plain site, wearing some bulky hoody to cover his non-human traits. Intriguing and nicely written.

The wings thing made me think of Footloose comic (dot com).

Vivid imagery. I think his mum needs a hot cup of tea and a sit down, though.

I agree with Emilou, I want to know what happens next!

I really want to know what happens before and after this!

Nice and dramatic! I wonder, though, shouldn’t it be spelled “twilight-tinted”?

It seems very dark but at the same time I get the feeling that the character is good deep down.

Cool and mysterious.

This was generally quite good. I didn’t like “But that bothered him little.” This structure for me belongs in dialogue, as it has an eccentric, flowery bias to it that needs to be seen from a first person view, as it only really aids the piece when it contributes to character.

Other than that, this was very good and well written. I enjoyed it, and it’s a good story.

Sweatshirt and jeans? Even demigods cash in for comfort….

Ditto Princess Binky…ick. Not my favorite genre. I get squeamish when I read stuff like this.

I liked the detail that the wings being trapped in an awkward position made them sore. It’s something I think we can all relate to.

I agree with H.S. Wift; there are some unnecessary lines in there, but all in all this was a refreshing departure into straight, undiluted fantasy.

Cough (stand-alone ficly) Cough.

The first few lines really drew me in. ‘Twilight tinted wings’. Very niiiiice. Icky, certainly, but well described ickyness that kind of makes you want to read with your eyes half closed. I guess that means you got to me.

I’ve always enjoyed fantasy. It’s my first and favourite genre, and you do it proud in this piece. I’ll have to come back and read the whole series at some point.