Comments on Imperfect by Timbertoesa

Jim Stitzel

Ouch.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Riley

I’M TWELVE AND WHAT IS THIS

Ha, kidding. Seriously though. OW.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
THX 0477

Oooh, tragic. Reads like a testament to what we will sometimes tolerate to not be alone and the bitterness that inevitably results. Not a healthy relationship, but very nicely described.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
ethelthefrog

He’ll know. But not until he’s committed too much to escape. Maybe she’s his second choice too.

Nice twist after a good set-up.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Emilou

Ouch. I really liked the description of the kisses as “slimy wet bugs.” So descriptive…
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Demi Beneke

poor guy…maybe she’s his second choice too…we can never know…unless there’s more!
- Posted about 7 years ago.
boxofun

So sad, such a contrast from what an outside observer might think they see. The contrast is very well expressed, and it makes me feel sorry for them, starting off so poorly.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Scrawler's Secret

the feel of saliva smearing on your flesh shudders it sounds like that is the have to take what you can get kind of girl.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars

Ecch. I’ve been there.
Very descriptive and evocative. So much detail packed into such a brief story.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
H.S. Wift

This was good. I don’t feel the need to make a grunt of pain like some of my contemporaries, I’m trying to figure out if they’re huring for him or for her.

It was a well written piece, short and not-so-sweet, well done.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
RoseTone ~LoA~

Ew. Just…. ew.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Timbertoesa

THX 0477, you nailed it. A testament to what we tolerate when being alone feels worse than anything. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback!
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Robert Quick

I’ve sadly been on both sides. I think you nailed the protagonist’s character in an impressive amount of space. Nice job.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
Stovohobo

Nice little prose poem. Lots of conflicting emotions and complexity in very few words. I like that. The eyes compliment right next to “his hair is too short” is a good example.
- Posted about 7 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Abby (LoA)

Wow. There’s such an ‘in limbo’ feeling to this piece. Generally in romantic literature the character is either completely perfect, or entirely disgusting. Yours has his ‘most beautiful eyes’ but his ‘too short hair’ right next to it shows he isn’t right. Not quite. That’s refreshingly different.

Great opening line. Comparing kisses to bugs. Yikes! And then the cigar, which of course got me thinking Angela Carter… Intriguing…

A sad study of the human heart and one that, in my opinion, is only too true.
- Posted about 7 years ago.