;__;

In the second and third paragraphs, the repeat of the words “sometimes” and “though” feel a bit awkward. Other than that, I like the idea of a dead mouse telling me a story.

@John — That’s by design. I’m trying to portray the mouse as something of a ghetto-rat, if you’ll forgive the pun. And if you’ve known any ghetto types, you’ll know that a diverse vocabulary isn’t a strong suit.

I’m trying to write it from the mouse’s mental perspective, so the vocabulary has to match that… redundant and under-thought.

Or does it just suck?

I can see that. Makes sense. It doesn’t suck, it’s just awkward. Mainly because it’s written and the words are almost right on top of each other. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I downloaded it via Audible.