happy time

My mother asked me today, " Why do you always look so sad son?"
“Why do you look sad all the time?”
“When is your happy time?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.
I’m taking a sip of water now.

I went to shower.
I am now clean.

“By the way, son, today we’ve won the lottery!”
“You know the numbers you gave me? I accidentally bought the wrong ones and they came out 1st prize!”
“Okay, that’s good. Money is always good.”
I think of visiting Ficly.

I am typing this out.
I see that I’ve been featured.
I try to smile to force out a laugh.
I don’t.
I can’t.

When is my happy time?
I don’t know, mother.
I try and think back to the last time I’ve laughed recently.

I can’t seem to remember.

I can’t seem to remember anything.
I smile if only to try and feel happy.
I don’t know when my happy time is, mother.
I wish I knew.

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