Birthdays aren’t really days, they’re age-old excuses to party. So when having a birthday, the prep time is crucial. Up to five weeks must be dedicated to dropping delicate hints about the party you know nothing about and sowing the perfect balance of seeds so everyone gets you the gifts you’ve chosen for yourself. The “secret” guest list must be managed with the utmost vigilance to avoid offending almost strangers. And all this is to be arranged while carefully cultivating an absolutely essential, seemingly authentic, “I’m so surprised!” face. But when the flames have died and the hungry hoards have finishing gorging themselves on frosting and ice cream you can content yourself with the fact that you have several months in which to recuperate.