Good message and great metaphor for life, but I think it lacks a heart behind it. It seems like there could be something poetically deep there, but your only scratching at the surface. I would take out the statistics and some of the smaller metaphoric phrases…for instance who is the lifeguard? cleaners? and elaborate on the emotions you’re trying to convey. You want people to stop worrying and have fun with life. I would go further with that, and maybe talk a little more about the fear of drowning.
Other than that, tiny wording things that I got caught on (occasionally they* bump into each other) the they felt really weird. maybe if the subject were everyone, but with everything, I would just leave they out and say “occasionally bump into each other”
you need an article before “less-than-proficient” I suggest an “a”
lastly, “thinking” should just be “think” in the last stanza. you might think about splitting it up into smaller sentences too to avoid a run-on, but then again you have poetic license for stuff like that.
perhaps it lacks a soul as well, as the entire message of the poem was different when I wanted to write it. I ended up writing this with the new message in mind, but it wasn’t what I aimed for initially.
I suppose I could focus more on fears. That would make sense.
Not exactly proud of it, but I’m done. Having a bit of difficulty capturing the essence of living for the moment rather than worrying for the future – which is what I’m used to writing.
Gradual Uprising {LoA} 
punpun