I love how the second to last line was changed from “it came to me…” to “he came to me…” A small change technically, but it has a much bigger impact on the meaning. Great job!

The process made this poem even more beautiful and lovely

The incoherent nature of this piece is stimulating. I feel like a secret’s been reviled but I can’t understand. (Am I not worthy? :)

I like the cadence of the 2nd and 3rd lines (feet/weep).

To me, the first four lines are the conclusion of the piece – try re-reading them directly after the last line. Does this resonate with anyone else?

The image I get is that the dance is a result of chasing the “He” at the end…. “trying to catch his feet”.

I see winter giving way to spring. Snow melting, rain falling to matching the “but weep” admonition. Not sad tears, but ones of relief.

Nice work – both on this and the original.