The last line, so undersold, sells this story. I can hear the awkward pauses in the coughs and sighs. Well done.

I love the pacing of this! Favorite line, “It may have been premature.” LOL. Great job.

I like the ending a lot. The pacing works well, although the word “sighing” pops up more than it might need to. You can feel the sighs without it…which is good.

Quick nit-picky question: I assumed that Todd and Martin were their last names…but then I noticed where Martin’s title isn’t used. Are they actually first names? Just curious.

oops! Now that we have a supervillain, could we have a superhero? (sequel?)
I agree with the above comments, great pacing, you feed us the clues one at a time, and you have a wonderful ending that astonishes you and yet fits so well.

bows Thanks all for the kind words. Yes – their last names are Todd and Martin. I could name them completely – perhaps I will. I will consider the possibility of a sequel written by me – but honestly, I’m sort of really happy with the piece as a full glimpse of a reality. (Besides, I have a terrible inclination to make the warrior of light a Rotorooter guy.)

I shall ponder. If someone else wanted to try their hand at beating the sewer spaghetti monster, I would be interested to see what happened.

I like the biologistics . Tetanic spasms could occur with the metal,eh. lol

this was pure genius
it was splendid who wants to fight a big shit monster, even if you win you loose.

Heh, excellent! Gave it a protoplasm, food source, circulatory system, and solid exoskeleton… not sure where it got the muscles but I forgive that for the sake of the story. Personally, I would guess that electricity would figure into the downfall of this beastie. It’s very conductive, after all. Like, magnetically squeeze the juice out and burn it or something.

science suspende your disbelief, it is a poop monster, they dont muscles. lol

dont need i meant

Excellent! Love it… I can hear the director and the doctor shuffling their feet and trying to avert their eyes while the badass tentacled beast wreaks havoc outside!