47 states are red right now, not because of the GOP, but because of H3N2.

“We unleashed this,” claimed the small being. “And we are happy.”

The Swine Flu didn’t create the zombie apocalypse like the virus had wished, and the previous Avian Flu didn’t change our DNA, but this recent outbreak of influenza has a simple game-plan: to kill.

“You, humans,” the small being started to say, “are overzealous. It’s money you live for, it’s fame. Do you see the storms? Do you see the destruction of the natural weather patterns? Something has to be done.”

“We will thrive where you fall,” the small being finished. “You humans will not be missed.”

And into a small child that small being went, releasing its spikes, stretching its legs out while attaching itself to a red blood cell. The small child coughed.

As the tornado warning in mid-January in southern Indiana continued to last until 2 p.m., right next to a county that had a winter weather advisory, the virus spread. For the first time ever, it was winning.